Bilbo and Gandalf - Written by Inferkit AI
Bilbo and Gandalf were hanging out in a bog. "This sucks, I'm bored," said Gandalf. "Why don't we sit on the edge of a large, flat rock and tell each other stories?"
"Really?" said Bilbo. "How 'bout a story of someone who goes to a place where he can not get lost, a place so inaccessible that he thinks he'll never find it again, except he does, because it's still there in front of him? And then he finds himself in an alternative reality, where the people who thought he was going to disappear just weren't thinking about it hard enough?"
Gandalf nodded. "I think that's the one. You'll have to tell it in a way that makes the entire story understandable in its own right. You'll have to make the situation even more impossible to understand than the story itself is."
"Okay," said Bilbo, and then he started to tell Gandalf his story of going to a place where he couldn't get lost.
There was a large flat rock, and Bilbo hopped up onto it. "This rock isn't even very big," he told Gandalf. "It's only a little bigger than my head. And it's flat, so if I fell off it I'd probably just roll right down the hill and into the bog."
"That's exactly the sort of information that should never get lost," said Gandalf. "We should all know that somewhere inside our heads. I don't think that Gandalf went up there. I think I fell off the rock and found myself in the Other Place. And Gandalf got lost in the Other Place and came out at the bottom of the rock. Which means that this rock is at the bottom of the Other Place."
"I never said that," said Bilbo. "But it still wouldn't help."
Gandalf sighed. "Just get out the map, will you? I'm fairly sure that we're in the same place as I was in before I fell, and we're only a few minutes' walk from where I went through the door."
"You want me to walk down a long, winding path to a door in the rock with just a vague memory of where it is?" asked Bilbo. "That's not the way I do things."
"No," said Gandalf, "that's the way I do things. And I know where it is. There are very few places in the world where I've been that I don't know how to get to, including where I am now. But I'm used to it now. So take a deep breath, and follow me."
They walked down the path together, Gandalf walking in front, Bilbo walking next to him. It went a long way, a long, long way, a long, long way. And before very long, Bilbo could see the door at the bottom of the rock.
"But that's a door in the rock. You'll have to open it somehow. I'm too little to climb down the cliff and back up again. Or you could break your legs."
"Don't be silly," said Gandalf. "I know all about these things."
And then Gandalf gestured and said, "Break your legs." And Bilbo bent over backwards and fell off the cliff, and he found himself in a world with clouds and no sun and no people, and the door to the Other Place was at the bottom of the door.
It was a long walk to the door, and it seemed that the whole of Middle-earth was in motion, walking towards the door, running to the door, dancing to the door, singing to the door, with Gandalf just behind them, where he had been all along, and suddenly Gandalf was standing right in front of the door, and he said, "Don't be silly," and this time Bilbo didn't bend over backwards.
So now he was in the Other Place, at the bottom of the door, but Gandalf wasn't.
"You can't have come here by yourself," said Bilbo.
"I didn't," said Gandalf. "I only made you forget. There are two people who can open the door to the Door of Night. You and me. I've never met either of them. But they're always waiting inside the Other Place, and I have to go and visit them to find out the secret."
"How do you go to a door inside the Other Place?"
"I can only reach it in my head. So if I go there and visit them, I find that they don't want to see me any more. That's why I go back again, and that's how I go back to the door."
"But you're not a wizard, you can't just go and open a door in your head."
"I don't have to. It's the only door in the Other Place that I can open."
"Well, how can you know that it's the only door in the Other Place? It could be anything."
"But I can see it, in my head, and I know. That's what makes it the Only Door in the Other Place. And I know that you won't open the door."
"If I did, you wouldn't be able to come back."
"No, but you'd just keep going."
"I wouldn't. I've done it before. I was brought back by Gandalf when he knew I had lost my ring."
"You were? Well, that's very nice of him."
"I wish that I hadn't found it. That was a bad mistake."
"If it wasn't for that, you wouldn't have found it, would you?"
"I don't know."
"You needn't worry," said Gandalf. "I've learned not to worry. That's one of the best things I've learned here. It's always good to worry, but not to worry about the right thing."
"Oh."
"That's the most important thing, anyway. There's always something to worry about."
"I thought there wasn't."
"Not if you think about it. I've learned it from Gandalf. You're going to be worried about this. I've known that for a while. It's the natural thing to do. But it's silly to worry about things you can't change."
"Oh. Why can't you change things?"
"I can't. No-one can. I can't even make a stone change into anything else."
"Oh."
"It's one of the greatest mysteries. But I've learned not to worry about it. Sometimes I still worry about it, but I've learned not to."
"So you don't think about it."
"No. I think about it as little as possible. I try to keep my mind on other things."
"Oh."
"I don't think you worry enough."
"I worry a lot. I always have."
"Sometimes it's a good thing, just to worry, to keep your mind on things. I know that it's a good thing for you. You can't let it get away from you."
"I know," said Bilbo. "But I can't help it. That's all."
"I can't understand it," said Gandalf. "How can you not think about what might happen to you? Everyone worries. But I don't. I think I've only worried twice in my life. Once when I was about your age, and once when I was your age."
"When you were my age? You've been twenty-nine for a while now, haven't you?"
"Yes, I have. I never worried about being caught stealing. You know that, but I still haven't worried about my voice."
"I can't understand that. Why not?"
"Well, I don't need to. If I go out in the street, people still talk to me."
"Did they when you were my age?"
"Oh yes. They didn't even talk to me when I was your age. I was just an ordinary hobbit, just a child. But when I started talking and walking like a hobbit, then they talked to me, and we all talked about you and where you were and how you were getting on."
"I thought you didn't talk to anyone when you were my age."
"I didn't. Not for a while. That wasn't till much later. I don't need to talk to anyone. It's very relaxing."
"I'm not sure I understand."
"Don't worry about it."
"So I'm the only one you haven't worried about?"
"I haven't worried about you since you were born, at any rate. I was a bit worried when you were still at home with your mum, because I thought there might be problems. I didn't want you to be frightened."
"You never worried about me when I was little."
"Well, a little. You were small enough, and you were so young."
"And I'm sure I wasn't really a problem."
"Well, it's just that I didn't really know. I didn't have any idea. I didn't know your mum or your father, for example. I only met them once. But I thought they might be a problem, because I didn't know you. You weren't my first born. I'd never had a son. When you started talking, then I was worried."
"You were? I never noticed that."
"I wasn't, really. I'm sure. But when your dad came home from the country, I started worrying. Then he started worrying."
"Because he was worried about me?"
"No, because I started worrying about your mum and dad. I didn't want them to think I didn't know you. I didn't think you would have any worries, being born out here in the middle of the woods."
"They didn't?"
"No. At least I don't think so. They were too busy getting used to your mum and dad, and to their own life, anyway. And they seemed to know that you would be alright."
"Why are you worried about them now?"
"Because they've started talking, just like I did. I don't like talking to people when they are talking to me. I don't like them to talk to me when I'm talking to them. That's what's worrying me."
"They're not talking to me, anyway."
"No, they are not. If they talked to you, then you'd start worrying about them, too. But if they talked to me when I was talking to them, then I'd be worried about them."
"Well, there's nothing to worry about, then."
"No, there isn't, because they won't talk to me if I talk to them."
"So they aren't talking to me now?"
"No, not really."
"Is it because they aren't talking to me?"
"Yes. It's because they're not talking to me now, that I'm worried about them."
"Well, I'm not worried about them. I don't think they are worried about me either. I've never thought about them. When I was talking to Smaug, I was just thinking about where I was going and what I wanted to do with him."
"I thought you were talking to him because you liked him."
"I liked him a lot, but that wasn't why I was talking to him. I was talking to him because he was the Ring-Bearer and I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to know why he was a Ring-Bearer."
"Did you talk to him about who he was?"
"I did. I talked about your father and my mum, too, I suppose. But mostly I talked about my mother and your dad. They were my mum and dad, you know."
"I did."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I liked them."
"Did you talk to them about what your mum and dad did when they were Ring-Bearers?"
"Not really. But I knew it was different, because I'd never met your mum and dad. I didn't know how they did things. So I talked about that, and about who they were. Smaug was interested in their rings. That's why he wanted them."
"I never saw any rings."
"Did you see them at your mum and dad's wedding? No, I don't think so."
"Did you know that there was a ring?"
"I'd have been shocked if I had."
"Well, Smaug had his fun." They went to get some tea.
Written by Inferkit AI
